IPHOOEY

My iPhone home key is knackered. I can get between web, texts and maps pretty fast by using ninja techniques. Anything else I gotta turn it off and on, and it takes a good couple of minutes.

But *phew*, it's ok, Apple can fix it, no probs. All I gotta do is take it in the shop and they'll swap it for a re-con, there and then. Only *slight* problem is it'll cost 147 quid. That's 147 quid. For a button. Ouch.

So anyway, for a whole load less than 147 quid, I got a great second hand one off eBay. It's an HTC TyTn uber-phone.

Unlike the iPhone, you can actually *do* stuff on it. Stuff like FTP, uploading photos, downloading stuff, SatNav. Even easy internet tethering for the laptop via USB. Good stuff that I need to run my website. No spirit level.

Does anyone actually use the iPhone spirit level? iPhones were made to show off to your mates in the pub, they didn't even try to make them useful.

The touchscreen isn't as good, and it doesn't have that Apple please-fondle-me elegance. But you get a proper big thumbsize keyboard instead. When the battery dies, you can shove a new one in, and spare batteries are filthy cheap from eBay Hong Kong. And you can turn web images off, so the web's loads faster.

Everything's going fine until I get the following text from 02...

'You don't fool us sunshine, we know your game. Put your bloody sim back into your iPhone within 30 days, or we'll come round there and personally kick your shins. You little towrag.'

It's a bummer. Here I am with three phones, and I can't quite get rid of any of them. They all serve their own useful purpose, but they all have fatal flaws.

Two phones is acceptable. You don't look a dodgy chav geezer with two phones. I mean, my dad thinks one phone is too many, but he's kinda anti-phone. Everyone else knows two phones is acceptable.

But even I know three is excessive. My pockets are bulging too much, and no, I'm not pleased to see you.